Humanjunk

Migration

2009-11-04T19:53:00.001-07:00

I am moving yet again, this time to a better home with more space and freedom...

Keep an eye on http://web.me.com/humanjunk/ and update your RSS feeds.

Scary Movies

2009-10-28T23:21:00.001-06:00

Movies with Ouija Boards lighting on fire aren't scary, can we please move on?

Hello October

2009-10-05T22:38:00.003-06:00

I've been avoiding anything requiring me being creative as of late. Sorry.

I'll post more soon (hopefully), but this is what I've been doing as of late:

Avoiding writing.
Getting over a wicked sinus infection.
Listening to lots of IAMX (as usual).
Being sick of people and avoiding most social situations that don't involve close friends.
Shurking responsibilities.
Going to the movies, watching movies and watching way too much television than I care to admit.

Monthly Itinerary

2009-09-01T12:57:00.002-06:00

September 01:

Big Shiny Robot: Ultimate Monthly

September 02:

Ultimate Spider-Man #2

September 04:

September 9:

Ultimate Avengers #2

September 10:

Nine Inch Nails: Wave Goodbye 2009 Finale

September 16:

September 18:

Jennifer's Body

September 23:

Autolux: Live at Urban Lounge

September 25:

September 30:

Thor #603

???

2009-08-29T02:32:00.001-06:00

August is nearly over. How did this happen?

IAMX

2009-08-09T14:46:00.004-06:00

Monthly Itinerary

2009-08-01T01:22:00.002-06:00

Links will be added sooner than later...

August 5:

Ultimate X-Men: Requiem
Ultimate Fantastic 4: Requiem

August 12:

Ultimate Comics Avengers #1
Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #1

August 14:

District 9
Paper Heart
The Goods

August 19:

Daredevil #500
Mighty Avengers #28

August 21:

Inglorious Basterds

August 25:

Imogen Heap: Ellipse

August 26:

Dark Avengers #8
New Avengers #56
Wolverine Origins #39

August 28:

Halloween II

SDCC: Day Four

2009-07-27T10:33:00.005-06:00

Until next year, Comic Con...

I'm back home, and I apologize for the delay on this entry (as if you actually give a shit). The last day of Comic Con 2009 was rather relaxed. I ended up missing the only panel I was interested and took advantage of walking the exhibit hall for the entire day. I bumped into Robert Kirkman and hung out with Chris Reilly and the folks at the SLG booth. It was a nice, social day that killed my feet and like every year, was beyond exhausted by the end of the day as the rest of the 5 day stint of dealing with over 100,000 people. As I predicted, this Con was one of the most relaxed I've ever experienced. No stress and no bullshit.

That honestly sums it up. Sunday wasn't the most exciting of days, but it certainly was one of the funnest due to all the people I got to chit chat with.

Until next year.

SDCC: Day Three

2009-07-26T02:00:00.004-06:00

This is what 500 drunken, costumed, dancing nerds look like.

Sadly, last night I missed seeing Normandie perform, my friend and I tried to find the venue and got horribly lost! So bummed!

I'm exhausted. Today has been great; went to a panel where I got to meet Matt Fraction, got in line to see the big panels in Hall H where I bumped into Doug Jones and said hi; had pizza and beer with Chris Reilly were some of the highlights. Kevin Smith had his annual Q&A, but wasn't in full form; mainly because he's become a stoner and has "mellowed out."

What I can say, for big blockbusters coming out in the next year or so, the two that I recommend seeing based on the exclusive footage and panels are Zombieland, Extract and Iron Man 2. I jumped in on a screening of Watchmen: Director's Cut with a live commentary from Zack Snyder, which was pretty bad ass. The directors cut is fucking long. Pushing 4 and half hours, if Snyder wasn't there to talk about it and Dr. Manhattan's big, swinging blue dick I would have fallen asleep (only because I'm so tired - not because it was boring).

The convention is starting to show it's wear and tear on me. I'm having a dam good time, I'm just fucking tired. Lots of walking, lots of handshaking, lots and lots of conserving energy as much as possible.

One more day left, then back to the mundane...

SDCC: Day Two

2009-07-24T20:14:00.008-06:00

"America: Fuck yeah!"

I'm writing this while it's still fresh in my mind.

It's been a busy day, nothing actually all that exciting other than me bumping into Warren Ellis. He was incredibly nice, and it's always fun to pop over to a writer I really enjoy and shake his hand. I've made it to a few panels today, one on The Guild, which was hilarious as all the cast came dressed in character from their webseries. As always, Felicia Day is adorable and definitely in my top ten current crushes. Other crushes include J.R. Goldberg (who is spoken for - Thanks Jhonen V!) and the Suicide Girls (Rigel and Evette in particular).

Today has actually been kinda odd, middle aged men find me very approachable. I've had one guy who apparently "runs a network" make small talk with me for about 20 minutes as I awkwardly hmmed and hawed out of conversation. A few hours later, a Comic Con security guard started asking me about my laptop as I sat down to start posting news on Big Shiny Robot, asking me if my track pad can pinch size, if it was expensive and if I'm still paying it off. Then, finally a guy stopped and knelt down right next to me, I leer away, worried this stranger is going to purpose to me and asks "Hey! Does your WiFi work!?! My iPod Touch won't connect for shit!" After telling him mine was fine but I've heard similar complaints the past few days he asks "Can you take a look at it? Maybe you can fix it!" "Um, okay... I can try I guess." I take his phone and start to dink around on it's menu and settings, only to get tired of being treated like a Mac Genius and hand it back to him. "Have you tried, maybe restarting it? When was the last time you did so?" He looks at me blankly like I just asked him what the meaning of life was and I sit, petrified that that's old man code for "I want you to stick your tongue in my mouth." he replies, without any sarcasm "Why the fuck didn't I think of that! It's been a days! Thanks buddy!" Then he went to mess up my hair like I was his kid brother and walked away. It used to be you only had to worry about the fat, horny overweight nerds who were undersexed and ogling over scantily clad models roaming around the convention or arguing about who would win if Hulk and The Thing got in a fight, now I have to worry about creepy old men who possibly want to drug and sodomize me. I really wish that the people who chose to spoke to me were perhaps the cute girls that would sit next to me and check their e-mail or stood next to me in line. Noooo, I get the creepy horny, old men.

Well, I'm off for right now, tonight? Aimee Echo, Jamie Miller and Chelsea Davis' new project: Normandie!

SDCC 2009: Day One

2009-07-23T13:19:00.006-06:00

"Aw, shit mother fuckers, it's a trap!"

In the lounge again. I spent the first few hours of the day wandering around aimlessly in the sales pavilion, bumped into Derek Hunter (Pirate Club), Chris Reily (Igor), and two of my fellow writers for Big Shiny Robot. This has been an odd convention, as there aren't a whole lot of panels I'm really interested in. However, I did manage to make it to the Wonder Women: Female Power Icons featuring Zoe Saldaña, Eliza Dusku, Elizabeth Mitchell and Sigourney Weaver. Needless to say it was kick ass, mainly for Saldana and Weaver; who were both bad ass, smart, articulate and interesting. Afterward, I rushed over to the line for James Cameron's Avatar and waiting in the fucking sun behind the most obnoxiously vapid girl and this guy ready to blow her. Moving at a snails pace, baking in the sun for 90 minutes until I officially missed the Avatar panel and jumped out of the line demoralized. Aside from that it's been dandy, I'm having a good time, I got a copy of The Guild: Season Two signed by the cast (who were super friendly).

Later on I tried to get into the Dexter panel, but again, the lines kicked my ass. This year has been a nightmare when it comes to queues, I hope my luck picks up tomorrow otherwise I'm not gonna be seeing shit.

Perhaps there will be more later...

SDCC Preview Night

2009-07-23T01:13:00.006-06:00

"They're comin' outta the God damn walls!"

Made it through preview night, not much to say other than it's the busiest I've ever seen... Met the absolutely gorgeous and sweet Felicia Day of The Guild and Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, it has solidified my crush on her and I plan on picking up a copy of The Guild on DVD. I highly recommend checking it out. That's pretty much the most exciting thing of today. I still need acclimate myself to the crowds, it's fucking exhausting having to navigate through the masses. I'm wiped out.

More later...

SDCC Prelude: Altitude Unknown (En Route to Los Angeles)

2009-07-21T12:52:00.002-06:00

This was written on a plane and posted later...

When I was a kid during take off I’d pretend that the force and power of the jet would pull my skin back and push me into the back of the seat. It came from watching lots and lots of Ren & Stimpy, the one where they get space dementia (cleverly titled Space Dementia)... Not this time though, the take off was smooth and there was a Zen moment, where at one point the plane made it above the Sun and watched it rise two miles above the ground. It also helps that my flight attendant is freaking gorgeous and really nice.

I’m oh, so very stoked for the San Diego Comic Con this year. Well, I am every year, but this year I dive in with no stress or worries. It’s like when someone goes to Mecca and they make sure all is right with their neighbors, well, that’s where I’m at. It’s a nice feeling.

I’m probably freaking out the squares, I keep lifting my laptop up to the window and taking a photo... I can’t help it, the sky is amazing right now. Or maybe it’s my unusually chipper mood. Getting out of town always seems to fuel my creative juices. SLC is suffocating, maybe it’s the altitude.

I’m en route to LA, the only thing on my mind is Fred 62 and possibly checking out the world famous Pink’s. When I travel I don’t really give a shit about the tourist sites, I just want good food.

More later...

Happy Independence Day

2009-07-04T14:00:00.001-06:00

Nine Inch Nails: Survivalism (Uncensored) (2007) from Nine Inch Nails on Vimeo.

Monthly Itinerary

2009-07-01T15:38:00.004-06:00

July is here. The year is more than half over. Here's what's going on:

July 1:
New Avengers #54
Public Enemies
July 10:
I turn 24
July 15:
Mighty Avengers #27
July 21:
Coraline DVD
Watchmen DVD

July 22:
Amazing Spider-Man #600
San Diego Comic Con Preview Night
July 23:
San Diego Comic Con (Day One)
July 24:
San Diego Comic Con (Day Two)
July 25:
San Diego Comic Con (Day Three)
July 26:
San Diego Comic Con (Day Four)
theSTART live at Kilby Court, Salt Lake City, UT
July 29th:
New Avengers #55
Ultimatum #5
July 31:
Funny People

An Open Letter to Rolling Stone

2009-06-29T17:14:00.002-06:00

Dear Rolling Stone,

Your managing editor, Will Dana, gave reason to having the Jonas Brothers on the cover again. Buddy Holly, The Beatles, Sam Cooke and Stevie Wonder were actually talented "teen idols," whereas the Jonas Brothers are not. In fact, the brunt of artists featured on the cover (when you're not listing the top 100 issues of Rolling Stone's Top 100 issues of Rolling Stone) in the past few years haven't been anyone worth remembering. I regret having a subscription to your magazine as it's become a vapid parody of itself and is about as interesting as MTV (Random Notes seems to follow the same format as Us Weekly's Stars Are Just Like Us column). Issue 1082/1083 just so happened to be the last one of my subscription. Enjoy blowing the Jonas Brothers (when you're not blowing yourselves).

~Jeff Ortiz

In Memoriam

2009-06-04T11:21:00.002-06:00

David Carradine

1936 - 2009

Monthly Itinerary

2009-06-01T11:44:00.003-06:00

It's June, half a year down... Here's the skinny on this month:

June 3:

June 5:

Away We Go

June 12:

Moon

June 17:

Ultimate Spider-Man: Requiem #1

June 19:

Dead Snow

June 24:

Also, IAMX kicks off their US tour this month in support of their new album, Kingdom of Welcome Addiction. If they are coming to your city go see them; they are a force to be reckoned with.

As Per the Last Entry

2009-05-23T12:25:00.003-06:00

Here are a few more unwanted opinions:

If I were into Anne Rice for Tweens I'd pick up Twilight.
No matter how many undergrads and vapid music publications keep telling me Radiohead is the most innovative band of my generation I will not think they are any better or smarter than I did when they were making crappy slacker rock. Grunge bands adding glitch beats over mumbling lyrics doesn't mean they are creative geniuses.
Frank Miller is a hack. There I said it.
Japanese animated characters all look the same to me.
Lost just might be the smartest show of the past 10 years but I still don't want to watch it.

Will People Please Stop Trying to Convince Me to Read Harry Potter?

2009-05-19T01:21:00.007-06:00

I just want to share a few points:

I don't give a fuck how epic the series may be or who they're killing off in the next book.

No matter how much your family may all love Harry Potter, I still hate your family... And Harry Potter.

If I want wizards and and goblins and all that crap I'll just read Lord of the Rings. If I want to see kids and teenagers honing their supernatural abilities in a school for gifted youngsters I'll read X-Men.

My love for Doctor Strange does not warrant a Harry Potter recommendation.

Please stop gasping when I tell you I don't like the books and haven't bothered to watch the movies.

Trent Reznor is NOT Snape.

And finally, I leave you with this final thought:

J.K. Rowling Hints At Harry Potter Date Rape

Posting Trades at Work

2009-05-04T00:33:00.003-06:00

Due to the monotony of my job and the fact that I have been planning a brief escape from Salt Lake City this weekend to America's boulevard of lights (Las Vegas) I sent out an e-mail to my co-workers en masse to get my shifts covered. Inspired by Josh Freese's crazy ploy to make purchasing his new album, Since 1979 worth while, I added several incentives to get my shifts picked up. I've decided to share the e-mail with all of you:

Hello all,

I have planned a fun filled weekend of Mayhem in Las Vegas and need some help in getting trades picked up (I'm looking at you floaters). Attached to each shift is an incentive to entice you to lend me a hand. Please review the following:

- Friday, May 8th: To the person that picks up this shift Jeff takes you (and one guest) to see the new Star Trek film or (if Star Trek isn't your bag) to a screening of 17 Again, starring the dreamy Zac Efron (concessions not included).

- Saturday, May 9th: To the person that picks up this shift Jeff will take you (and only you) to regal night of dining at Sizzler ($10.00 limit - all you can eat shrimp!) or McDonalds (your choice of any two items off of the dollar menu + soft drink).

- Sunday, May 10th: To the person that picks up this shift Jeff will visit your home and wash your pet (cats must be declawed) or make a 80 minute soundtrack to your life story from his extensive record collection (over 500 albums!).

All shifts include a postcard from either the Liberace Museum or Atomic Testing Museum postmarked from Las Vegas, NV and your choice from any one item out of his sock drawer (all items are guaranteed clean or your money back).

If a person picks up two shifts Jeff will write a haiku about said individual as well as each incentive attached to whatever shift.

If a person decides to pick up all three shifts Jeff will be your personal assistant for a day - assisting in grocery shopping, pressing clothes, telling your children bedtime stories, reading maps while you drive, etc. in addition to the corresponding incentive attached to whatever shift.

I'm not joking, pick up a shift and I will make good on the incentive.

Thanks in advance for helping me out if you can.

~Jeff Ortiz

Monthly Itinerary

2009-05-01T15:57:00.003-06:00

It's May and I'm on the tail end of a contracted flu bug so I'll make this quick:

Shit this month worth checking out:

May 6th:
New Mutants #1

May 8th:
Star Trek

May 13th:
Ultimate Wolverine VS. Hulk #5
Ultimate Spider-Man #132

May 19th:
IAMX - Kingdom of Welcome Addiction

May 22nd:
Terminator: Salvation

May 27:
New Avengers #53
Ultimate Spider-Man #133
Ultimate Wolverine VS. Hulk #6
Ultimatum #4
Wolverine #72
Wolverine Origins #36

Hands in the Cookie Jar

2009-04-07T13:50:00.006-06:00

Chris Corner is rather furious about IAMX's new album being leaked on the internet by an asshole in the press.

It's frustrating seeing small/independent artists get dicked by rabid fans. I don't mind "stealing" music from, say, Smashing Pumpkins, who are bleeding fans wallets by releasing 12 versions of the same [mediocre] album, each with a different bonus track and alternately colored cover (see Zeitgeist). Depeche Mode is another example. They are a band who have sold millions of records who insist on creating 3 versions of one single and box sets that are intended to rip off fans rather than give them something worth owning and/or collecting. Clearly, Depeche Mode is attempting to recreate their own version of Nine Inch Nails' business model for Ghosts I - IV but fail to understand that what made those work ultimately is that the music was DRM free and ultimately, if a fan decided, on the house.

Nine Inch Nails and Depeche Mode both have massive fan bases to fall back on. They have the ability to release an album that thousands of people are ready to obtain and pay for. Depeche Mode even have a major label to fall back on. Even if 10% of sales were lost by people downloading the album from P2P sites Depeche Mode would still be able to make rent for their mansions per ticket, merch and record sales (selling three versions of one thing to stupid, rabid fans will fill up a checking account).

Sadly this doesn't carry over for the independent artist, like Chris Corner who rely on record sales to feed themselves. I find it extremely disheartening that fellow IAMX fans would choose to steal a shitty quality MP3 copy of the album and let that be their first experience of the album. Considering that some of those fans will still purchase a copy of the record, it in essence numbs the "financial sting" that the band is going to feel, it doesn't make it any less wrong. I know for a fact that IAMX appreciates and loves their fans, downloading a leaked record certainly betrays the artist/fan trust and will certainly affect the way that the band plans to interact with fans. Shame on those who couldn't wait to experience the album in high quality audio and/or with liner notes. I can understand the anticipation to hear the record, but be patient, good things come to those who wait.

Speech Patterns

2009-04-06T01:45:00.003-06:00

Here is an excerpt of a conversation I had earlier this evening with a lovely young woman from Florida.

"I need to go to Sernt Pertersberg, Florder."
"Excuse me?" I ask, confused "Where?"
"Sernt Pertersberg," she confirms, "In Florider."
"Saint Petersburg, Florida?" I respond.
"Yeah, Sernt Pertersberg, Florder."
"Okay... Well, um... When were you arriving?"
"The nice of May."
"The wha of May?"
"Nice of May."
"The ninth of May?"
"Yeah. I need a room then."

This is one of the many perks of my job. I get to interact with some really smart interesting people. Certainly the heart and souls of the United States.

Monthly Itinerary

2009-04-01T12:38:00.006-06:00

April is here. No jokes in this post.

This month is pretty stagnant like the last. No local shows and the film front looks pretty bleak with the exception of a few comedies that should prove to be rather mindless and/or mediocre:

Music wise Depeche Mode's new album, Sounds of the Universe is slated to hit shelves. The new single is pretty craptastic, even by Depeche Mode recent standards; though it does have a pretty awesome video.

Apologies for lack of updates last month. I just "wasn't feeling it."
In other news: I've purged my computer of Microsoft products and am using iWork and Adium to chat. I'm not at all used to iWork as it's so simple that it takes some getting used to. Adium is a chat client I would highly recommend, it's easily customized, as now it feels like I'm still using iChat, icons and all.

Also, I just picked up Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay. So far so good. It's my kind of book.

In the comics world Ultimate Wolverine VS. Hulk is hitting issue 4, which no one would ever expect.

That really wraps up April.

Pause

2009-03-15T23:53:00.002-06:00

Things are on hold/backlog.

Mainly the playlist and daily images.

They will come back. Soon hopefully.

Monthly Itinerary

2009-03-01T14:43:00.002-07:00

Spring is here. That's the really cool part about this month. Winter has been exceedingly light this year here in SLC, which is fantastic.

Everyone go see Watchmen on the 6th, as it will certainly be a damn fine movie. And I do recommend reading the graphic novel, it's very good.

This month Saul Williams is playing a show with Les Claypool at The Depot on the 13th. I would highly suggest seeing him. I have yet to but I am a huge fan of his music and consider him one of the smartest minds in hip hop today.

Again, I apologize on my tardiness with my daily images. I've been moving in slow motion the past few days. Also, this month's playlist is being compiled. It will be up soon.

Random Info

2009-02-27T04:47:00.005-07:00

This month is already at it's end. Very strange.

I have to apologize for my lapse in daily photos. They are being taken, just not uploaded in a timely fashion.

I'm trying to get back into a groove of writing and realized that I'm quite rusty at it as I spent the summer evading notebooks and Microsoft Word. Things on that end are going slowly but surely. The fourth draft of the script is underway and feels very cut and paste right now. A demented little short (The Godfather) used to exercise my brain has done it's purpose at shocking the unprepared. Perhaps it will be made into a short if I can find the right team. I've been kicking around a concept with my best friend and we are in the throws of brainstorming something that could quite possibly be sold. The screenwriting group I've been organizing has been gathering a great crowd of local writers and that pleases me to no end.

I have to take this moment to pimp out the new IAMX album, Kingdom of Welcome Addiction. It will be released May and I highly suggest picking it up. I've heard some of it and it's brilliant. It'd be difficult to expect anything less from Chris Corner.

Plans are being made to escape Salt Lake City in the short and long term.

Oh, watched and I watched an incredibly interesting documentary about Hollywood's portrayal of the Holocaust (Imaginary Witness) and I recommend renting it if you can.

One more thing: Happy birthday to humanjunk.net. It's officially a year old.

This is Why, We as a Nation, Should Eat Our Young

2009-02-08T02:54:00.008-07:00

Yes, yes, yes, we're all so upset by the birth of octuplets for obvious reasons; single mother of six farting out 8 new ones destined to grow up fucked up. It goes to show that any dummy can put a bun in the oven the non-old fashioned way without any screenings or evaluation of background. Why is it that we're not allowing sane, homosexual couples to adopt and we're allowing fucking idiots to order up 8 kids like a fat fuck would order double cheeseburgers at McDonalds? Ah, that right there is point in case that here in America we have bred the some of the dumbest mother fuckers to grace the Earth, and that we are a culture of nonsense and mass consumption. We live in an age where children are accessories (thank you Us Weekly and People Magazine) and getting knocked up (especially with twins via IVF - here's looking at you Bradgelina!) is a fashion statement. I am absolutely mortified with the Suleman case and we need to start reviewing (disparaissent la France!) regulations for assisted reproduction. And of course, the American people are more concerned with Christian Bale going bananas on some asswipe DP than making sure child protective services are evaluating this 33 year-old single mother's abilites to raise and provide for what is now 14 children. And those pro-life douche bags can go eat a bag of salty dicks, because it's okay to let some dumbass have 14 kids but it's wrong for someone smart enough to know they're unprepared for children to terminate a pregnancy. We seriously need to take another look at our values.

Follow Up: Fun Times Seeing Movies in Conservative Utah

2009-02-07T00:49:00.007-07:00

I received this e-mail from Megaplex Theaters in response to my letter to them telling them they suck for having shitty policies for R rated films and inept, senile employees.

Mr. Ortiz,

Thank you for providing us with your feedback about you experience at our theatre on January 19, 2009. I apologize for the delay in responding to your message. I am sorry you had a negative experience with our team members, but please know that we take all criticisms seriously and your comments are extremely valuable to us. We will use them as part of our regular training upgrades that we do with our team, so as to avoid having this problem occur again in the future.

It would be my pleasure to provide you some passes to return the Megaplex 17 at Jordan Commons so we might be able to prove to you that your one encounter was the exception here, and not the rule.

I am confident that if you gave us the opportunity we would be able to prove our commitment guest service to you.

I can leave passes at our guest service desk or mail them to you. Please let me know your preferred method, and if that is by mail please include your address.

Thank you again for your feedback, and I hope to see you here again in the future. If there is anything else I can do for you please do not hesitate to contact me.

You'll be happy to know that I won't be accepting those free passes as they are a bunch of salty dicks.

Monthly Itinerary

2009-02-01T00:08:00.005-07:00

Wow, one month down, 11 more to go. 31 days flew by in a flash.

Things are spectacular; I've organized a local group of screenwriters to converge twice a month and share/critique scripts; I've been diligently keeping up on my daily photographs; reviews and editorials are being posted regularly on Big Shiny Robot; and as per a discussion with a rather notable local band I might be acting as their media director.

This marks the 1st anniversary of humanjunk.net and I want to thank the few of you that actually read my asinine ramblings and social critiques.

Oh, and the playlist has been updated for this month. As part of keeping busy I plan on making a regularly updated playlist of music. I do consider myself a romantic and even though I hate Valentines Day I have complied a mix of some of my favorite love songs. So, please, give it a listen. I pride myself on my picky taste in music.

Oh, and you all really need to venture out and catch The Wrestler. Darren Arronofsky has created a film that really shows Mickey Rourke's abilities at playing, well, himself. But seriously, fucking see it. It's brilliant.

Fun Times Seeing Movies in Conservative Utah

2009-01-21T22:57:00.005-07:00

The other day I ended up seeing My Bloody Valentine 3D at a local megaplex with my little brother. It turned out to be quite the hassle. We approached the ticket clerk and she curtly asked for our ID's. You see, my brother, is barely 16 and doesn't yet have his drivers license, but of course, I had mine. The movie is obviously rated R, and the ID request is something, as lame as it is, I expect. Well, I explain to the old twat that he doesn't have an ID and I'm 23, and his guardian. She starts to argue with me, saying she can't let him in. Upon asking why she responds, "it's an R rated movie, he's not old enough." I walk over to the poster and point to her "this is movie is rated R, but if you look that says "under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian," and that I am his adult guardian. She fucking leers at me and turns to her manager, and that bastard asks my brother how old he is. He bullshits them and says he's 17, and then ask what year he was born. He thinks about it for a minute and then lets us in.

You know, it's fucking retarded that I have to argue with idiots at a movie theater because they don't want to let a teenage kid to see a campy horror movie in 3D. Beyond that, it explicitly states on the poster for the flick the rules for a film with a restricted rating. It just goes to show that the majority of business' run here in Utah are too caught up in this overprotective sense of family values. I have the fucking right to take my brother to see any movie I damn well please and I'm sick and tired of these conservative assholes giving me grief because something is outside their realm of morality. It just goes to show that people in Utah are still trying to make people walk to the beat of their drum and abhor those who won't.

Anyway, if you're in Utah or coming in for a visit (which doesn't make any sense), NEVER go to the Jordan Commons Megaplex or any movie theater owned by Larry H. Miller in the surrounding area. For a list of them click here.

In Celebration

2009-01-20T00:00:00.003-07:00

The Sundance Film Festival

2009-01-19T21:46:00.005-07:00

I'll be quick with this...

It is again that time of year where people from around the world pretend like they give a shit about Utah and visit it: Sundance! Living in Utah for the past ten years hasn't been the greatest thing ever short of meeting some really cool people, but you know Sundance happens, and it's pretty cool. Well, sorta. I really took advantage of the festival in years past, seeing anything I could and enjoying the fact that I was seeing films that I wouldn't be able to see anywhere else. Though over the years I've come to really get irritated with the festival and it's stargazers, starfuckers and more importantly it's overpricing. And that's why I'm blogging this evening. I understand the concept of inflation, but you know, everyone this year has really taken a hit in their wallets. It seems rather unfair to ask $15 for a ticket, especially when a big aspect of this festival is targeted at film students. This is the first year they are not offering student discounts and you know, with corporate sponsors ranging from Volkswagon to Entertainment Weekly and they can't give students a 5 dollar discount? It's ridiculous. I hope Robert Redford chokes on his 100 steak dinner he eats at the Festival Awards, that greedy mother fucker.

In Memoriam

2009-01-14T17:54:00.005-07:00

Ricardo Mantalbán

1920 - 2008

For Your Editing Pleasure

2009-01-07T17:22:00.006-07:00

It was announced about a month ago that Nine Inch Nails had planned on recording a performance from this most recent tour in 3D. Sadly the ball was dropped on the project due to lack of support from a former label and the project fell through. Rather than letting the incredible stage production wrap up with no archived footage short of an official trailer and a shitload of unprofessional video footage, three shows were filmed by crew in high definition...

This is where it gets interesting:

Trent Reznor has released over 400 gigabytes of raw hi-def concert footage from those three performances free via BitTorrent for fans to download, edit and share.

This should prove to be quite a fun exercise in editing if you are at all interested in that kind of stuff.

Download the footage:

For more detailed information visit the official nin.com forum.

New Features

2009-01-06T12:52:00.003-07:00

I've added some new features to make this feel more like home:

Daily photos are being posted at my Flickr.
I have created a playlist. That will be updated once a month.
I've added new links, including Brewvies, Twitter, FavTape, Horrorfest and Hulu.

More will be coming soon...

Monthly Itinerary

2009-01-01T01:38:00.003-07:00

I have looked high and low, and there is absolutely nothing going on this month.

Well, except for Inauguration Day. No more President Bush. Thank fuck.

Daily photos are up. Enjoy my birds eye view.

2008 in Review

2008-12-31T03:00:00.002-07:00

This marks the last day of 2008. It is has been one horrid bitch of a year, and I'm very happy to put it behind me. Between failed relationships, dead friends and feeling drained emotionally and creatively there have been some highlights and I would love to point them out as well as wave goodbye to the pitfalls of the year.

I completed my degree in Film Studies at the University of Utah and finished a 3rd draft on a script I've been working on for over 2 years now. In celebration I've compiled a list of my favorite movies of the year in no order:

I'd also like to point out Hollywood's success in producing some absolutely shitty movies. Here are a few of the worst of the year:

This year I helped launch Big Shiny Robot!, a website where nerds can read reviews, news and gossip about things that your fellow geek has an interest in. I think we've established a place that has shed the fanboy stigma most websites cater to, being accessible to both hardcore nerds and those who dabble in comics and video games. Comic book wise I give kudos to Brian Michael Bendis for Secret Invasion. He certainly had spent years setting up the dominos that lead up to this fantastic mini series gorgeously illustrated by Leinil Yu. I'd also like to recognize Mark Millar for his still ongoing "Old Man Logan" arc in Wolverine. He is one of the best comic writers in the industry right now and this story has proven to be an amazing ride into an alternate future of a post apocalyptic Marvel Universe that will certainly go down in history as one of the greatest Wolverine stories ever told. I want to give a huge fuck you to Mike Carey for running Ultimate Fantastic Four into the ground with terrible fucking stories that resulted in the books cancelation.

Some of my favorite records of the past year include:

This year was also the first time I traveled to New York City and had the pleasure of doing so twice; both times with two of the most wonderful friends one could ask for. The first time was to attend the New York Comic Con and the second was to see IAMX perform at the Blender Theater. New York is without a doubt a force to be reckoned with and I fell in love with every facet of it I saw. In a perfect world I could call that city my home. I also had the opportunity to spend a week in San Francisco and enjoy the city I grew up in as well as shake my ass yet again to IAMX with my good friends, theSTART, opening for them. I also had the pleasure of making my annual trek to San Diego for Comic Con. This was the first year I was able to approach it as a "journalist," being able to meet some of the most talented people in comics, film and (in one case) music. My last trip of the year, was yet again with Leah and Larissa, this time to Las Vegas to see the final Nine Inch Nails performance of the Lights in the Sky Tour. Those have really been the highlights of the year.

I want to wave a final goodbye to my good friend Randall Parr, who sadly departed us in May of this year. He was a good friend and certainly enhanced and touched the lives of many. He will be missed sorely. Also, in memormaim, Michel Turner, a talent in the comic book industry that succumbed to a long battle with cancer; the legendary George Carlin, a comedic genius; and of course, Heath Ledger, an immensely talented actor, who really gave a new soul to The Joker.

To end on a positive note, we are ending an 8 year tenure as cultural assholes. Goodbye George W. Bush, you were one hell of a president, and I mean that with the utmost contempt. Hello Barack Obama, you are proof that we are not a nation of complete bigoted idiots, and I believe that you'll be able to push the United States into a direction that doesn't cater to the end of the world in 2012.

Fuck you to a few, cheers to many; happy New Year!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T17:18:00.000-07:00

Pissed Off

2008-12-21T02:49:00.006-07:00

I'm in a horrible mood; drunk and fed up with the drug addled bullshit of friends friend’s. I have spoken with several people tonight about what the future possibly holds for me and it involves getting the fuck out of Utah and moving to some facet of California.

Let me clarify the rational behind that; Utah has no future in the realm of screenwriting. It's extremely simple. As many good and healthy friends I do have here, I can say with brutal honesty that this is not a place that instills creativity in any way, shape or form. This is a place for those who live and enjoy a rather conservative culture that frowns upon certain "liberal" values. In turn it has made it exceedingly hard to find a partner to share what I find humorous, scary and beautiful with. I feel completely isolated in this hole and the only ray of light is to get out of Salt Lake as soon as possible. I have met some creative, loving and welcoming characters and friends here, but sadly, it's not enough to make me feel like I'm home; I need to exit. I don't feel at home. I never have here. And when I'm not here, weather it be New York, San Diego, Las Vegas or San Francisco I feel free and able. I am afraid of what will happen to me if I remain here the rest of my life. My interests do not revolve around settling down and or/ starting a family, getting married or any of that other bullshit. I want to write and tell stories and I want to be able to live my life and learn more about myself without having to worry about the repercussions of what decisions I make will have on other people. Call it selfish, but I have the rest of my life ahead of me to fuck up someone else's by accident.

I have seen sides of friends that I've chosen to disregard the past few years in hope that they'd grow out of it and sadly that is certainly not the case. I need to be in an environment that is creatively stimulating that doesn't involve people going nowhere fast, snorting mass amounts of drugs and drinking copious amounts of booze. I'm 23 years old; I can't live like that anymore. I have a degree and as much as I like to have fun, I know I have to earn it. We all do.

The walls have been torn down and I've had enough with the bullshit that ensues with disillusioned addicts unwilling to accept that they are just that. I don't want to live my life like a Brett Easton Ellis novel. I am making a stand right now not to allow any enablers in the lives of friends and if that person is there, I sure as hell won't be.

This year is almost over and I'm sick of living the tragedies of lives that failed to pan out and I want nothing to do with the ones that are following the same track. I refuse to go down that path. I've had some bad luck and I'm going to purge the elements in my life that will seed more. 2009 will be new and different and productive for me. I will not allow myself to slip through the same cracks as others; I will not allow myself to be a waste.

Lights in the Sky Over Las Vegas

2008-12-15T12:09:00.007-07:00

I apologize for the delayed entry, I've been catching up with myself and the holidays.

The trip was an absolute blast to say the least. This is a digest version:

I left for the Salt Lake Airport at 4:30 AM on zero sleep in the previous 24 hours. I arrived to a delayed flight, short two flight attendants. Flew to LAX, and if you've never been there, know that it is a toilet in the form of a tarmac and chain of over priced fast food eateries. I was stuck in LAX with no sleep, exhausted and hungry I lounged around for 3 hours, waiting and watching fat Americans stuff their faces with handfuls of cheetos and BBQ Lays. After I finally escaped from the hell that is the Los Angeles Airport I landed in Las Vegas, only to turn on my phone with a welcome voice mail from Leah stating that her flight had been delayed over 8 hours. This proved to be a problem as I had no way to our hotel, a five star resort, 25 miles away from downtown Las Vegas. Scrambling to find a reasonable way to the hotel (as a cab would run about $100) I managed to get a hold of a fellow Nine Inch Nails fan I met in Salt Lake City who also made it to Vegas for the show. Offering her 10 bucks for gas and time she agreed to give me a ride which turned out to be a rather scary 35 minute ride as her 8 year old son kind of woke up from a deep sleep en route. I say kind of woke up because in his half asleep delirium he panicked that he was blind and couldn't see tried to jump out of the speeding car on the freeway. She then explained to me that her and her son had been on the road for days and she hadn't slept in over 3 days. In the back seat I gripped my luggage white knuckled, eyes wide and terrified and telling myself that this is better than paying an absurd amount for a cab ride. I will clarify that I'm not ungrateful for the ride; it was just an insane experience.

I made it to the hotel in one piece. The catch to getting free nights at that lovely property was that I had to take a tour of the grounds to familiarize myself with the property. Needless to say the hotel grounds were beyond gorgeous; literally an oasis in the middle of a barren desert. I received club access and managed to wander to the lounge where I was greeted by a very kind concierge staff, oodles of appetizers and most importantly, bottomless free champagne. And not 5 dollar bottle champagne, I'm talking 75 dollar champagne. Three glasses and a few plates of snacks I stagger back to my room, taking advantage of the free WiFi the hotel offers and listen to Elbow's Cast of Thousands to try and wind myself down from a stressful day of travel and concern for the transit of my sisters, Leah and Larissa. I change out of my slacks and pass out.

I hear a knock at the door and there stands Leah and Larissa, weathered and jet lagged from what could have only been a hellish day of travel only the winter could throw at us. Hugs and greetings exchanged, they unwind and we get ready for a night out. We hop in the car, drive to Las Vegas to sKizoFrenia, the club hosting the Nine Inch Nails pre-show dance-a-thon. I'm introduced to Silvie and Patrick, old friends of Larissa's from way back who are go-go dancers at said club and after a few hours of dancing, ginger-ales and socializing we head back to the hotel to crash. En route we make a pit stop to Walgreens and pick up the ritual post dance sodas and potato chips, to munch whilst driving back to our lodgings. We get back, take photos of me pretending to play the piano and then crash.

We wake up at 10:00 AM the following morning, primp ourselves for the main event of the trip. Traffic and sandstorms at noon throw a wrench into our plans to visit Ronald's Donuts and we head straight to the venue with nothing in our bellies but the digested chips from a few hours before. The venue, The Planet Hollywood Casino and Resort, was a lovely indoor outdoor shopping mall, complete with a dusk motif, eateries and bathrooms to keep us from being grumpy while waiting in line for 8 hours. As some sort of cosmic joke the line was around the hotel's Halo Bar. We met some lovely people from Boston and leered at the ugly, tacky people that drank at the bar in between dumping coins into slot machines; one girl in particular had these low cut jeans so her ass crack could hang out while she pressed her back up to the frosted glass chair at the bar, giving us all a wonderful view of the canyon that housed her stink cavern. The security at the show was extraordinarily nice and efficient ensuring that no assholes would cut in line. They let us in, I head to my seat, and see none other than Ron Jeremy in his horrible, grease ball glory wandering around the venue's innards. I have a rather primo spot, next to the soundbooth, which is dead center of the venue, providing me a clear view of the stage. Sadly, I get stuck next to these two rather large girls, both of witch are black holes of apathy, who leer at me during the show while I rock out, scream, dance and clap and relish the performance.

After keeping rigorous track of the setlist via Twitter, the show ends, I meet up with Leah and Larissa, and we head out to meet up with Silvie and Patrick for drinks. We head to the purposed post show venue and decide to bail as the place was a fucking joke and make our way to a little gem called Frankie's Tiki Lounge. I'm introduced to Dick, a friend of Silvie and Patrick and get myself a mai tai. Chit chat, glug, glug, I'm slightly drunk and opt to go for another drink; this one to ensure I'm sufficiently drunk for the evening. We head back to the hotel, and literally pass out.

The next day we wake up, get ready, no hangover, I wander to the club lounge and have a free sandwich. Make it back to the room and and we head out to get some vegan donuts, pick up Dick and trek out to the Hoover Dam. I have to say that the Hoover Dam is pretty impressive for a big ass wall holding back a shit ton of water and powering a whole city. Looking down that mother fucker proves to give you a wild case of vertigo. We opted out of the tour and I provided the group with my version of the history of the Hoover Dam. The temperature drops, we make it back to Vegas and drop off Dick, grab a bite to eat and then meet up with Dick again for drinks at the Peppermill. Watching shitty music videos and by a flaming fountain we socialize more and have a few drinks. Retiring somewhat early, we go back to the hotel, pack our shit up and sleep.

We wake up early the next morning and head to the airport, only for me to find out that all flights out on United have been cancelled that morning. Irritated, sleep deprived and saddened to part ways with the girls I am now stuck at the Las Vegas McCarren Airport. I jump in the security line only to find out I can't get through that terminal it's not the one I need to be at. Rushed now and separated from Leah and Larissa we are forced to give each other a quick and improper goodbye. I head over to my terminal, misty eyed and plop my ass down for 8 hours at the terminal. Luckily McCarren Airport offers free WiFi so I have some way of killing time and staying sane. I finally make it out of the City of Sin to LAX. With a three hour layover, I find myself the subject of study by two fleeting lovebirds who decide to take photos of my messenger bag whilst snickering at them when I'm not looking. Ready to punch the two in the groins until I'm satisfied they won't reproduce I board my flight and I'm stuck with them behind me. I plug myself into my iPod and watch Shaun of the Dead. Land and now here I am.

Monthly Itinerary: December 2008

2008-12-01T13:24:00.001-07:00

Hello all.

It's December 1st, hard to believe. November flew by. It seems just like yesterday I woke up bruised and bleary eyed from a night of Halloween carousing.

This month locally is rather boring (what a surprise). No special shows in Salt Lake worth mentioning. Christmas is coming up and shortly after that, New Years Eve, which means we can pull 2008's fist out of our ass, because, let's face it, 2008 was a shitty year for various reasons.

Worth mentioning is the fact that I am trekking out to Las Vegas with my sisters, Leah and Larissa to see Nine Inch Nails live on the last show of this North American tour. What happens after that? For Nine Inch Nails, I have no clue. But, while in Vegas we are staying at the luxurious Ritz Carlton in Henderson, Nevada. Hitting up some goth clubs, which is something I've never done before, and enjoying a free stay at a full service, five star resort.

In the comics world the only thing worth mentioning is the climax to Secret Invasion. That will hit shelves this week. So, get your ass to your local comic store and pick up a copy.

Movie wise there are a few things that I'm looking forward to:

Punisher: War Zone - I am a comic nerd, and I hated the last two, so this one should prove to be one of the most entertaining pieces of shit this month. We all need a fix of gratuitous machine gun violence.
The Day the Earth Stood Still - A remake of a classic, and I'm sure it will not live up to the original, but, it looks like a fun sci-fi movie and there hasn't been a good one of those in a while.
The Westler - My favorite director ever has crafted what seems to be a masterpiece staring one of my all time favorite actors, Mickey Rourke. The movie looks brilliant and has one the coveted Crying Monkey Award at the Toronto Film Festival.
The Spirit - The only reason I'm looking forward to this is because it will certainly be, without a doubt, a crime against Will Eisner's title character. Leave it to Frank Miller to not learn from how Hollywood bastardized his version of Robocop 2 and 3 and rape someone's story up the ass, under the guise of a Sin City yarn.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T01:01:00.001-07:00

Migration Update

2008-11-25T00:35:00.004-07:00

I am disheartened to say that I received an e-mail this afternoon informing that I was being passed over for the position I applied for at Twitter. That being said, I will remain in Salt Lake indefinitely (well, until the next job rolls around). C'est la vie.

A Few Early Updates...

2008-11-18T03:19:00.008-07:00

It's rather early, but I am gonna let everyone know anyway...

Come January 1st, 2009 I will be posting all my blogs here exclusively.
Also on January 1st, 2009 I will be bringing back my daily photos and will post them entirely on Flickr.
I am gunning for a position at Twitter in San Francisco. I've posted a few blurbs here and there about it, but anyone who knows me well enough is aware of how badly I am aching to get out of Salt Lake City and back into the Bay Area.

UPDATE:

I will still be writing reviews and editorials and covering news on Big Shiny Robot. I simply will be doing my personal crap here. This will be my toilet. My internet toilet.

UPDATE:

After much thought, daily images will be featured exclusively here. I am making this my official hub.

For Your Listening Pleasure: The End of the World

2008-11-16T04:06:00.006-07:00

I have compiled a mix of songs about the end of the world.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor: The Dead Flag Blues
Muse: Apocalypse Please
Puscifer: REV 22:20
The Creatures: Exterminating Angel
IAMX: Bring Me Back a Dog
The Red Paintings: As It Was
Sneaker Pimps: Clean
Smashing Pumpkins: Blue Skies Bring Tears
Marilyn Manson: The Last Day On Earth
X: The World's a Mess; It's In My Kiss
The Epoxies: We're So Small
My Brightest Diamond: Something of an End
Nine Inch Nails: Zero-Sum
Moby: Last Night

And just for fun, create your own, and share the playlist in the comments field.

Don't Get Too Excited; We're Still a Nation of Bigots

2008-11-09T12:34:00.004-07:00

It's been less than a week, and I can still stay that I'm proud of being part of this country. However in the wake of electing the most qualified individual who was coincidentally also half black to run our nation we proved that we're still a dumb country that has a vast difficulty separate church and state. The passing of Proposition 8 is proof of that. It's extremely aggravating that people are still clinging to the idea that marriage is something that is strictly a hetrosexual right. Religiously conservative people will throw out all kinds of reasons why it's wrong; homosexuals will have a higher divorce rate, what about the children, it's against the rules in the good book, blah, blah, blah. There are various rebuttals I have to those statements, as those are the specific reasons people have for being pro Prop. 8. The first is that, who gives a shit if divorce rates skyrocket (if they were to)? It is not something that effects the lives of you or me or anyone else. Divorce courts are paid by the parties involved; it's not a state affair, so money's not a factor in that argument. Beyond that, a high divorce rate will certainly not be the thing that decays the fiber of morality, the divorce rate in this country is already so high that it's I'm sure God is gonna set the wold on fire by 2012. If two women want to go munch on each other's rugs or two dude's wanna pack each other's fudge out of being in love and want to be granted the same rights as you, me and everyone else then who are we to say no? One of the corner stones of what this country was founded on is equality.

The next concern being the children that would be affected by having two gay parents or being in company of a gay couple. Well, I'm sure that everyone is aware that "gay" is not a disease and can't be caught and it's not a behavior that is learned; gay people are just wired that way from the get go, they didn't watch an episode of Darhma and Greg when they were 8 and think themselves, "yeah, I want it in the pooper."

And in regard to the Bible argument: I think that anyone of faith is entitled to their moral compass of what they and their mind controlling church qualifies right and wrong, that's fine, but people need to understand that equal rights for all human beings living in the United States will do nothing more than unify us as a nation and make the pursuit of happiness more attainable to those who seek it. Our country has a critical lack of empathy. The teachings of Christ were more about empathy than anything else. And every church (I'm looking at you Temple Square) is more than entitled to have a stance against homosexual marriage and have right as a religion to not want to recognize said union, but you need to keep your fucking nose out of everyone's lives and say "We don't like it, it's against what we believe." and leave it at that. Do not aggressively oppose it and urge your followers to do so as well. Let them think for themselves and respect the fact that there is a separation of you and the inner workings of this country. In the past 100 years we've seen a lot of change to make things equal for the populous; women and minorities can run for office, vote and are eligible for whatever job he or she wants so long as they are qualified for it. We are still evolving, now more than ever and we can make changes for the better of the country and the world.

So, aside from that, I find it incredibly funny now that Utah is facing a boycott because of the LDS Church's involvement with pimping out Prop. 8. And I say, good. Boycott shit out of this boring fucking place. This place is so fucking backwards right now. I can't even buy a six pack of Smirnoff Ice (not that I want to) because of totally insane liquor laws. People in Utah need to get off of their asses and fight this bullshit. But, let's just focus on things one step at a time I guess...

Monthly Itinerary

2008-11-02T13:37:00.005-07:00

It's November already, which means that 2008 is about to fade away and become last year (thank God). There aren't a whole lot of spectacular events taking place this month with the exception of Election Day, which is a mere two days away. I have already voted so I can't say that I'm particularly looking forward to the 4th, but I can say that I am anticipating it. To my few readers I implore you, vote. I won't say anything more, as I know I hate it when people wax political and righteous; so go vote for that douche republican or for the token black dude, I don't give a fuck, just vote.

Also, The Duke Spirit are playing this week and as much as I'd like to see them I am simply just too broke, between making sure I have money for bills, to go to Las Vegas next month with Leah and Larissa and to pay off some I.O.U.'s there's no way I can make that show, which is a total bummer. On another music note, IAMX this month will be great because on the 7th Chris Corner is releasing the new single "Think of England" free on the internet and a very awesome live album is going to drop on the 14th. Pay attention to their MySpace and official site for more details.

Aside from that we all get to look forward to Thanksgiving; a day where all major Christian religions make an exception for America's second favorite deadly sin, gluttony. Oh, and Black Friday, the day that we dig ourselves a little deeper into financial debt because we can buy a new TV for 200 bucks off the regular price. What better way to honor the Native Americans we displaced and killed than by stuffing our fat faces full of turkey and spending tons of money on useless electronics.

Comics wise this month Ultimatum will kick off, marking a huge change in Marvel's Ultimate Universe as well as the conclusion to Ultimate Spider-Man's latest Venom arc.

It's been a little bit since I wrote something last, and I will suggest you all go see Kevin Smith's new flick Zack & Miri Make a Porno, it's pretty damn funny.

Geeking Out

2008-10-26T12:16:00.004-06:00

I have been house/dog sitting the past 4 days with nothing but my laptop, a huge HDTV, premium cable, a PS3 and an onslaught of Blu-Ray DVD's. Not to mention comics...

I've watched every second of special features on both the Iron Man and Incredible Hulk DVD's It has led me to putting forth a lot of thought as to what cars a lot of Marvel superheroes would own. Like, a lot of thought. I could be putting forth my time meeting girls or being productive.

I've come to determine that Peter Parker/Spider-Man doesn't have a car, let alone a drivers license as he's been web slinging since age 15. Who needs a car when you've can swing around at 80 miles per hour. Not just that, but he lives in New York City, why the fuck would you want a car there? There's a lot more, but I would much prefer to not wax nerd. If you're that curious just leave a question as a comment and I'll respond with an answer.

Also, I've got a cover story right now on Big Shiny Robot! so, all of you should check it out and Digg it, if you haven't already.

Shameless Self Promotion

2008-10-13T14:11:00.002-06:00

I decided to whore myself up right now and post an entry asking you all to "follow" me here on Blogger.

So, please, FOLLOW ME. Because I'm cool. And you're cool. But you'll be a lot cooler if you subscribe to Humanjunk.

Jews for Obama

2008-10-07T13:59:00.002-06:00

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

Monthly Itinerary

2008-10-01T07:40:00.005-06:00

This proves to be a rather relaxed month as I have no shows or trips I have my heart set on. It's good as it allows me to focus on work and paying off bills and IOU's (I'm looking at you Leah!). In two months I'll be enjoying my time with my two (un-biological) sisters in Las Vegas celebrating the final Nine Inch Nails performance of the amazing Lights in the Sky Tour, exploring surrounding ghost towns and being pampered by the the über luxurious Ritz Carlton and having an all around party with drinks, good food and of course dancing.

I also now have the chance to devote more of my time to getting out of my creative writers block and pulling more weight at Big Shiny Robot!. It's a strange autumn this year as I'm not feeling particularly excited for Halloween and have no idea what the hell I'll even dress up as. Please, leave suggestions in the comments box if you have any.

Here are some highlights I'm looking forward to this month:

Ultimate Origins #5 - the conclusion to the beginning of the Ultimate Universe!

Secret Invasion #7 - The conclusion to the Skrull War on Humanity!

Ultimate Spider-Man #175 - the return of Gwen Stacy's clone. The question is: is she Carnage?

Ultimate Spider-Man Annual #3 - Peter and MJ might do "it!"

Quarantine - a zombie movie in the style of Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield? As Palin would say: YOU BETCHA!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno - Kevin Smith's new comedy to not feature his dynamic duo, Jay & Silent Bob. And yet unlike Jersey Girl, this will be funny.

Kaki King at In The Venue on the 17th

Halloween

Demonbaby Store

2008-09-23T13:29:00.006-06:00

I know I'm behind on my Coast to Coast conclusion and promise I will have it up by the end of the week, but I have to pimp out Rob Sheridan's (Demonbaby) webstore as he has designed some fucking hilarious shirts that are not only somewhat stylish but snarky at the same time. What more could you ask for?

I personally like these two:

Buy his crap here.

Coast to Coast (Part Two)

2008-09-21T23:17:00.006-06:00

Because I'm somewhat lazy, I will share a segment of my e-mail to Leah detailing my time in the Bay Area rather than rehashing it again for this blog:

I got into San Francisco midday on Friday and was greeted by my aunt and uncle. I pretty much crashed that day due to jet lag and uncomfortable seats, with no blanket or pillow. It was a miserable flight but I managed to sleep through the brunt of it. That night I had dinner with my family who made it out to greet me (which was very nice and flattering) and ended up falling asleep whilst watching Ghost Whisperer (a terrible show my aunt loves). The next day my older cousin and I wandered around San Francisco where I stumbled upon a Lush. I went in and there was some sort of foam celebration that resulted in me getting covered in suds to which an extremely gay employee fixed my hair and complimented me on it. It was a very fun experience. We went to a new shopping mall, and walked down to what seemed like the worlds longest corridor to get to the bathroom; left, got milkshakes, went to the Metreon, where I picked up a copy of James Jean's XOXO and my cousin got a cupcake cookbook. We made it all the way to the Embarcadero and then headed back home. We made some pretty good peanut butter cupcakes with homemade chocolate frosting and then called it a night after dinner. Sunday was pretty relaxed, I spent most of the day watching movies (The Fly, Waitress, Die Hard 4) and then going to my Uncle's (he's my mom's Italian brother-in-law) sunday dinner which was fantastic. Enchiladas, and they were nice enough to make cheese ones for me that were extremely spicy. Monday I met up with my old friend Angie who I hadn't seen since I was 16. She used to be Poe' (the singer) PR person and we hit it off back in the day. She's doing well for herself and over a gin and tonic and cheese and crackers we caught each other back to speed on what had gone on in the past few years. The next day was the show. I met up with Aimee and the rest of the gang around 5:30 for drinks and chill out time backstage and got to watch Chris tweak around with his projectors and do soundcheck which was fucking astonishing. The venue people however were nazi's and requested all guests leave and get in line. So, me and the head of Metropolis Records were actually escorted out around 6:45. theSTART and I ended up on their bus hanging out until they had to do their soundcheck at 7:00. I got in line and met up with my friend Phil and ran into Sammi and her boyfriend and danced to the songs the crackheads (they were really crackheads - The venue was in a terrible part of town where I was privy to around 15 narcotic transactions) were singing to us for money. They let us all in, snagged a spot up in front, got picked up on by this girl who looks like the girl from that new Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist flick but with bleached hair. It was rather scary as she was groping me during theSTART's set and I just politely ignored her and danced my ass off. I'm pretty sure she was rolling on X. IAMX went on, Chris hit our end of the stage, I pulled my buck out during the first song to which he grinned at me and said "Later." The show went on and at one point in the middle of the set he came up and teased me and wagged his finger "no" at me. Then during Spit It Out he curled his fingers at me and I put the dollar in. The crazy girl screamed "OH MY GOD!" and started groping me even more. I shook her off and then Chris collapsed in the crowd and I had to prop his leg up. He seemed a log angrier at this show as at one point during Bring Me Back a Dog he screamed "I'M SO FUCKING ANNOYED WITH YOU!!!" at the soundboard tech. It was fantastic. Afterwards I met up with theSTART and talked to Chelsea about Venture Bros. and Mighty Boosh while Aimee hung out at the merch table to greet fans and sign stuff. I bumped into Dean and chatted it up with him more to which he said they are planning on coming back in May. Wednesday I met up with Angie again to help her prepare for a shindig at the Red Devil Lounge for this local musician, went to the show, had a few drinks, met these two really cool guys from England, handed out cake and had a beer. Thursday was a lazy day as it was my last day before heading back, so I hung out with my family and what not. Friday I returned and en route that evening to say hi to Stew and have a drink I almost hit a kitten that skittered into the middle of the road from beneath a car. I pulled over, coaxed the guy out, put him in my car, picked up a bag of kitten chow and introduced him to my dog (who adored him) and my cat (who wasn't the most enthused). That was my trip in a nutshell.

Coast to Coast (Part One)

2008-09-19T18:42:00.007-06:00

I have returned home safe and sound after a 10 day pilgrimage that spanned over 6,000 miles (roundtrip).

I met up with Leah and Larissa, who I can't ever stop raving about, as they are the coolest girls on the planet on September 10th after a clusterfuck of transit thanks to the wonder that is United Airlines. So, this was the official travel itinerary as of September 9th:

Salt Lake City to San Francisco to JFK airport, leaving at 6:00 AM Mountain Standard Time and arriving at 7:00 PM Eastern Standard Time (not including the connection)

En route to San Francisco two flights to the New York area were cancelled resulting in me getting bumped off of my flight and having to spend 8 hours in San Francisco. All stress aside it worked out in the positive in the long run as, my family in San Francisco took me to a fantastic Japanese lunch, let me nap on their couch and then took me back to the airport for my red eye flight. I arrived at 6:00 AM in Newark, New Jersey with several hours to wander and explore until my companions arrived. I trekked over to White Castle for a greasy (and cheap) breakfast and to get my head screwed on before getting out and fucking around. I can tell you that changing in the bathroom of a White Castle in Manhattan is certainly a good time, as clerks tend to forget they've buzzed you in the lavatory. It's fun because some dude walked in on me with one leg in my pants balancing on a shoe as to not put my sock down on the floor. That kind of shock is a better eye opener than a cup of joe. So, blah, blah, I hit the road and made it to the Theater District, Times Square, the Empire State and the NYC Public Library in a span of 4 hours making brief pit stops at the Marriott Marquis for a breather, and at the world famous Midtown Comics (which really is amazing in every way, two floors of comics, toys and collectibles that would fry any geek's brain if they were a lesser person than I). Jetlag and citywalk exhaustion began to dig its roots into me and I decided to retire for an hour at the Port Authority where I was to meet up with Leah and Larissa.

Well, that was an adventure of it's own, as within 10 minutes of plopping my scrawny ass on the floor I'm approached by this rather ratty women in her mid twenties who asks me if I'm familiar with the building. Travel tips 101: If you are asked if you know where you are always say yes, even if it's a blatant lie.

"Yeah, for sure." I respond.
"Oh! Cool! So, do... uh... Do you think I can get in trouble for panhandling here?" She asks.
"Well, um, I dunno, I mean, bums do it, and the cops don't really hassle them, so, I think you might be okay." I tell her.
"Ah... Okay... I just don't want to get arrested."
"Of course."
"Well, um, do you have any tips on how to pan handle?"
"I would just wing it." I tell her informatively. "There's no right way to do it."
"Yeah... Yeah," she nods "Just wing it. Okay! Got it! Cool! Thanks!"

She walks away; I stand up to get the fuck out of dodge. I move upstairs and am approached a half hour later by another person, this one significantly older and creepier.

"Hi, how are you?" He asks me.
"I'm well, how are you?"
" I'm just fine. Do you live around here?"
"Oh, no, I live in Newark, I'm just here overnight. I'm meeting up with some friends here."
"What part of Newark do you live in?"
"Um..." Fuck I'm thinking, think quick, think quick "The Highland Park area. Around Miller Avenue and Portola."
"Oh, yeah, I know where that is." he retorts.
"Yeah, it's a nice area isn't it?"
"Yeah, I liked it."

Then he got up and walked away. Soon after Leah and Larissa arrived... I would give my take on the story but Leah has already posted the most lovely of entries describing our time together in great and wonderful detail (also making me out to sound a lot cooler than I really am). So, I highly recommend reading the unofficial part two of my trip over at her Live Journal. Once we went our separate ways I did get a little misty eyed as I always do enjoy my time with the Deyneka Sisters more than words can express.

Also, this woman has taken some amazing photos from the IAMX performance in NYC and you can view them via her Flickr.

Well, I made it back to Newark to crash the a hotel near my airport as I had to leave early the next morning. Luckily upon arriving I was welcomed with a complimentary upgrade to a one bedroom suite and there was a marathon of The Office which helped keep me from feeling utterly depressed as I was already missing Leah and Larissa. After sleeping for a mere 5 hours I woke up and headed back to the airport for a week in San Francisco.

That's a whole other story.

View images here...

To be continued...

Return

2008-09-18T12:19:00.000-06:00

I will be back within 24 hours.

Tick tock.

Still Gone

2008-09-14T17:10:00.004-06:00

I apologize, I decided to forgo my small return to Salt Lake City before embarking to San Francisco and just stayed in the Bay Area.

Details will be forthcoming.

Away Message

2008-09-06T15:06:00.004-06:00

As mentioned before I am leaving for New York this week with Leah and Larissa. I plan on traveling lightly as I will be there for only a few days and it's a royal pain in the ass to travel to that city with more than one bag. That means no laptop; just one backpack full of clothes, toiletries and hardcore pornography.

I type this up as I will be reachable only via mobile phone, telepathy, Bat Signal and messenger pigeon. Feel free to send me e-mails, MySpace messages and leave all the comments you want on any one of my online profiles but I will not be able to respond to them until my return. Cheers!

Lights in the Sky Over Salt Lake City

2008-09-04T00:31:00.009-06:00

Yes, I snagged a guitar pick.

I’m home, showered and currently drying off as I write this. Today (well, yesterday) I attended the September 3rd performance of Nine Inch Nails in Salt Lake City. I’ve always been impressed with Trent Reznor’s abilities to present visual companions to his music enhancing the audience’s experience of seeing the band live. This was beyond. Way fucking beyond. The visuals on this tour literally interacted with the band. Every note, pitch and touch created some sort of effect, literally making the performance alive. Words can’t describe what you see. I won’t even try. I can say with full honesty that hearing and experiencing a lot of the new songs from Year Zero, Ghosts I – IV and The Slip I have been moved, frightened and wowed. The show’s closer In This Twilight certainly ended the night on an amazing note and left me wanting more in a wholly satisfied way.

Quickly I will say that this is the third time I’ve seen Nine Inch Nails and the first with Self Destruct and Fragility tour veteran Robin Finck. He was born to play this material live.

Also, every experience I’ve had with fellow fans has been positive. This show was no exception. Today I met some awesome people who shared a great enthusiasm for Trent Reznor’s music, I will certainly keep in touch with many of them.

The only thing missing from this show was Leah and Larissa, who I know would have made the night feel so much more complete.

Nine Inch Nails will continue to tour throughout December. If you have the opportunity, even if you’re a tepid fan, see them on this run. It’s worth every cent and will be nothing short of a mind blowing event.

Here are a few photos from the show:

The Line at 1:15 PM.

Stew drunk, in line, baking in the sun.

Stew, myself, Tyler and Emmie (two awesome people we met in line).

This guy is an asshole. He was trying to cut in front of all of us after getting in line 4 hours after us.

The logo before the encore.

What my view was (photo from nin.com)

And someone over at ETS was nice enough to scan and post the setlist.

Monthly Itinerary

2008-09-01T10:27:00.000-06:00

September is going to be busy, busy, busy...

September 3rd: Nine Inch Nails + Deer Hunter in Salt Lake City.

September 10th: IAMX + Leah & Larissa in New York City.

September 16th: IAMX + theSTART in San Francisco.

Across the country in September. 6,000 miles (round trip).

Uptempo

2008-08-30T12:25:00.000-06:00

Just watched the final two episodes of Spaced and feel particularly inspired. It's been 5 months since I've produced anything new on the home front of LitSM, I've simply just not had the energy to open up the cauldron and see what comes pouring out. I can stay with sheepishness that the main reason is that I've put a lot of myself, my friends, personal experiences and the best of my attempts at relationships into the script and it's hard to go back and see a positive façade, idealism and wishful thinking of possibilities that never came to be. I have been kicking around ideas for new directions, concepts, motifs and additions to enhance the story and bits of dialogue to make people laugh more. After this next draft, it will be reformatted and rethunk for a graphic arts version. That is he plan.

Current influences:

Spaced (as mentioned before)

The Duke Spirit's Neptune.

Does it Offend You, Yeah?'s You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into

Terry Moore's Strangers in Paradise

Clerks and Clerks II

I'm now curious as to why I feel the urge to share this with the few readers I have.

And I have to give a very big thanks to Leah for hooking me up with a copy of Spaced on DVD; I don't think I would have even given it a chance if it weren't for her.

iWeb

2008-08-26T14:58:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I spent a few hours constructing a new version of this blog using iWeb and it appears I need a .Mac membership in order to publish the site to this location... $99 bucks for an annual membership: I don't think so.

A Few Updates

2008-08-20T23:14:00.001-06:00

I've been struggling to break through a severe bout of writers block I've been afflicted with the past month or so. Perhaps I'm mentally burned out still from the overwhelming Comic Con experience combined with a rationalization of a burned out/failed relationship; so I apologize for the lack of writing here, especially on the Zombie Walk. It also doesn't help that my usually heavy sleeping pattern has become quite the opposite.

I leave for New York in less than a month to see IAMX perform and enjoy the company of Leah and Larissa; two people who I adore and love more than words can express. This will be lovely as I'll be 2,000 miles away from Salt Lake City. Following that will be a trip to San Francisco at some point between October and November and finally a final trip of 2008 (one hellish year so far) to Las Vegas, with Leah and Larissa for the [final] Nine Inch Nails performance of the Lights in the Sky Tour. Four months left and this year's over. It's nice to have things to do that I can look forward to.

As most of you know I am a staff writer for Big Shiny Robot! and am now in charge of "web integration" taking care of MySpace and Twitter updates which is all fine and well. But, what I am very excited about is that I have also taken on the responsibilty to spear head a weekly column called Trashtalk which will be me covering all the dirty and juicy internet geek gossip. Look for that every Sunday. You can read the first official editorial here. I also want to give a warm welcome to our newest contributor Annika, an immense talent and pleasure to have on our staff. We haven't given much of a shout out to her on BSR! as we just want to focus on writing and not blowing one another so, I'll give her one here on my own personal site. Cheers!

Also, I want to pimp out all of the links I suggest on the right hand side of my page. Those are my peers, friends and betters musings in the Suggested Reading RSS feed. The Suggested Links are all fantastic links to musicians, artists, writers, and all around fun sites that will certainly peak your interest. Do keep an eye for updates in the Suggested Viewing and Listening sections as it's updated regularly.

I'm not one for shameless self promotion but, please, spread the word about my blog to all of your friends via word of mouth or linking me on your own page. I wouldn't go as far as calling myself an attention whore but I purchased this web domain and would love a few more readers. That goes for Big Shiny Robot! as well. Tell everyone about it. Please.

One more thing. Regarding my leaving of Salt Lake City. It's happening in the not-so-distant future, as in within the year. As soon as I know what the hell I'm doing and where the fuck I'm going it will be announced immediately.

Lights in the Sky Over Las Vegas

2008-08-16T12:20:00.001-06:00

Someone is seeing Nine Inch Nails again in December on the last date of the tour in Las Vegas with Leah and Larissa.

We are going to be staying for free at the Ritz Carlton.

Zombie Walk

2008-08-10T13:31:00.000-06:00

Comic Con: Epilogue

2008-07-28T22:34:00.000-06:00

Back home and have been for the past several hours. I realized the moment I stepped off the plane that I'm back in a place where there's nothing. No significant other and no ability to push forward in my fields of interest.

It's bittersweet being here. I love my friends and family, but I feel like this place is a frozen wasteland.

Next trip: New York City in September; IAMX with Leah and Larissa.

Comic Con: Day Four

2008-07-27T09:16:00.001-06:00

Sara Silverman is high.

I apologize for the 24 hour delay on this entry, traveling and sleep deprivation are to blame.

Yesterday was a hot and cold day. I hung out with some Suicide Girls and bullshitted about Ultimate Marvel, The Mighty Boosh, IAMX and how it's kind silly to have panels where you don't really talk about what's going on and you just tell people to read the books to see what happens. I took a photo with Missy Suicide who I couldn't help but swoon over as she's just an all around cool lady. Somewhere I thought it would be a good idea to try and speak to Lou Ferrigno in ASL as everyone had told me he was deaf. Well, I go up to him, the big ass guy he is and start signing to him. He just stares at me irritated. "I'm not deaf. I'm hard of hearing." He says. I grabbed my head and began to apologize profusely, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I didn't assume, I was told you spoke ASL, I look like such an asshole!" He just stared at me more, and stuck out his hand and shook mine saying "it's okay." After I had enough courage to crawl back out from under the rock I met a random girl who is an aspiring actress who was incidentally very attractive. She was the girl who nearly got into a fight durring the costume contest last night. Then my good friend Mike showed up and I hooked him up with my press pass and we wandered around the convention and made it to a panel on cover art which was interesting enough. Then we all reconveined with the rest of our party and headed over to Ciro's Pizza and hung out for a few hours, talking about past conventions, sharing stories and what not.

After a long ass drive from San Diego to Los Angeles I crashed on my buddy's couch, woke up 3 hours later and caught a flight back to Salt Lake City.

Comic Con: Day Three

2008-07-26T10:06:00.001-06:00

Frank Miller: Drunk as shit.

Okay, first and foremost: I met Shirley Manson... This has proven to be the coolest fucking Comic Con ever. Right now I sit in on a almost comfortable bench hidden from the masses taking photos of all the crazy fucking costumes from the annual masquerade ball. Ryan is at a SuicideGirls party that I wish I was at and I've hit it off with Chris Reilly who introduced me to some really cool people and I somehow managed to make some offhand smart assed remark to the Jhonen Vasquez (Leah would be oh, so proud) that actually made him laugh. Go fucking me. I'm on a roll as it seems these past five days. I really don't want to go back to Salt Lake City. Good god, there is a drunk Boba Fett. I can't go home now.
On a journalistic level today was rather uneventful, as the panels I went to were not quite all that interesting, including the Sarah Connor Chronicles one that had Shirley on it. No one asked her questions as the nerds were there for Summer Glau of Firefly fame. As mentioned prior I met a very nice and talented guy named Chris Reilly who has this fantastic book out on SLG called Trouble with Igor I highly suggest checking out, he introduced me to Eisner nominated cartoonist Paul Friedrich whose done a book called Onion Head Monster: Bombastic. I have yet to read it, but I can say that it looks right up my ally, it has mobster lobsters from Las Vegas.
After that Sarah Silverman had her panel where she proceded to simulate fellatio on a microphone while descrbing the death of Eric Clapton's son in great detail as if a cock were in her mouth. It was the most hysterically obscene thing I've seen all year. I was in tears.
I ended up at the masquerade ball where behind me I hear "shut the fuck up! I'm asian bitch!" and turn around to find this lady yelling at a woman dressed like a geisha. Only at Comic Con...
Tomorrow will be a very relaxing day, as I've seen most of the sales floor and there aren't a whole lot of interesting panels going on. But, my good friend Mike Davis is getting into San Diego tomorrow and I'm gonna give him an extra pass I've got so we can wander the Con together. Well, I'm still at the convention now and I'm more than exhausted. I don't think I'll be leaving anytime soon though I should, I really, really should.

Last day of SDCC tomorrow... Keep your eyes peeled.

Comic Con: Day Two

2008-07-25T14:51:00.000-06:00

Hmmm...

Jesus Christ I woke up bleary eyed. And I'm back to that point right now... Two days left, and all I need is some caffeine... In a extremely surreal, Comic Con moment I'm sitting across the hallway from none other than Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright.
Today has been a day chock full of panels on Marvel Comics and their integration of media. Another was on Resident Evil: Degeneration, an upcoming animated feature to continue the canon of the video game (not the shitty Paul WS Anderson trilogy), and then a panel on The Spirit, directed by Frank Miller, which I'm on the fence about and finally two Kevin Smith panels which were absolutely fantastic.
I have to say that it's not a true Comic Con experience unless you attend a panel hosted by Kevin Smith or better yet his annual Q&A. This year was a little different in the sense that he brought out his cast for the upcoming film Zack and Miri Make a Porno... Shit I got to see fucking Tracy Lords in person. I was like, 25 feet away from her, that's pretty fucking cool, she's a legend in the adult film industry; she's kinda the Stan Lee of contemporary porn. And no joke, I've never seen any of her films or what not, but it's still cool to say that I saw Tracy Lords in the flesh.
The first panel I went to today was good except for this gargantuan fucking kid who sat next to me, reeking of horrible nerd juices with a afro that was so terrible it made me want to kill myself. I sit down, and there he comes, plopping his hulking ass in the chair next to me; his fat literally pouring on to my leg like a slime. The wave of putrid body oder hits my nose and I shudder. I had to move down a seat as to not get crushed by him and to escape his aura of stink. Now, I can't see. His fucking head and hair on steroids is blocking my view of Joe Quesada and all the people that are taking care of the imprtant fascets of Marvel Studios... Nothing really comes out of the story in real life, but next year I plan on brining a can of Lysol and Fabreeze and using it on every fucking person who smells like an old man's groin. I will do that, just you wait. I'm gonna start some shit.
At the Resident Evil panel there was this insane girl with her face wrapped up in faux blood stained gauze who, during the trailer for the film started screaming manically; like she had just won the fucking lotto or something. Then when the character Leon appears she gasps and and whispers to her friend "he's so fucking hot!" I'm inching away from this girl, I mean, she's swooning over a fucking video game character like a 13 year old girl at a Backstreet Boys concert. By the end of the panel I'm kinda just inching further and further away, curious as to what her face might look like under that mask... Because, maybe she's cute, but then I really think about it and no, she's not. Any girl that swoons over a virtual being... I... I just am really creeped out by that shit now... I have to move on.
The Kevin Smith panels really are only summed up by the line "if you don't shut your mouth I'm gonna fuck you in it." I'll leave it at that and to your imaginations to fill in the blanks.

Tomorrow, there are really only a handful of panels I'm interested in checking out, one of which involves Shirley Manson... I might be interviewing the talented Robert Kirkman, but I'll mainly be hitting the sales floor and wandering around aimlessly, taking pictures, talking to creators and wishing I had more money to spend on comics.

Sleep in needed. I have to be up in less than 6 hours. Check back soon...

Comic Con: Day One

2008-07-24T10:53:00.000-06:00

Zombie the Hutt?

Okay, so, aside from misplacing 20 bucks (anyone wanna spot me?) today has been an absolutely fantastic experience. I attended an extremely interesting panel on queers in mainstream comics that was crashed by Stan Lee. You know it's gonna be a good run when the first panel you go to that is totally off the beaten path from the mainstream and it's fucking crashed by Stan fucking Lee. I mean, how bad ass is that shit? I wandered around the convention a little and purchased the annual SG Magazine. I did bump into the gorgeous and super friendly Nixon Suicide who I chatted with about creepy men that objectify women on SuicideGirls, which was interesting enough. I then hit up a Q&A with Ed Brubaker who did nothing but make fun of his fans. Again, with my luck this year at the convention his panel was crashed by none other than the amazing Zoe Bell. They announced that she will be staring in an online series you can find on Sony Entertainment's website. I then went to the Spike TV Scream Awards: Women in Film, TV and Comics panel hosted by Kevin Smith. Panelists included Gale Anne Hurd, Jamie King, Lucy Lawless and Pia Guerra... And I got to interview them. I will say that Lucy Lawless is nuttier than squirrel shit and scared the shit out of me, though, Jamie King was so gorgeous it was slightly daunting. Sadly I didn't get to ask her the questions I wanted to as it wasn't quite a one on one interview but more of a small press conference, like how did she feel about Frank Miller's portrayal of women in his comics, as one one hand they're extremely empowered and on the other, somewhat objectified. But, alas, it didn't come to that and those things are rather annoying as there are fucking leeches in the form of paparazi and journalists. King was so fucking awesome in the sense that she was fawning over Pia Guerra as she's a huge fan of Y the Last Man and a massive geek. Sadly, Gale Anne Hurd wasn't there for the panel as it would have been interesting to see what she had to say on the general portrayal of women in media but she had bigger fish to fry. I just avoided speaking to Lucy Lawless all together. She scared the piss out of me.

Well, that's pretty much been my entire day, speaking to Missy Suicide, who created Suicide Girls, Nixon Suicide about objectification, and a slew of panels and interviews, I'm nothing short of spent. I need to finish my beer...

Comic Con: Preview Night

2008-07-24T01:04:00.000-06:00

Two beers into lounging in my hotel room for the past 90 minutes or so recharging my batteries from the maelstrom of nerds and geeks that converged to Preview Night here at the Con. I bumped into several friends and fellow BSR contributors and managed to find the SuicideGirls booth (swoon!) and renewed my membership for another year. I also snagged a hardcover copy of Daredevil Volume 2 for a bitchin' price which makes me very happy. What's a con without the purchase of at least comic?
And I have to say that this is a year I wish I didn't have the sense of smell as I've smelled some pretty foul nerds today. This is a first in my 6 SDCC experiences. It's rather embarassing to tell you the truth as a comics reader and geek. Nothing like having the fat, poorly dressed socially challenged comic book fans show up en masse and play up the stereotype of smelling like a fat person's asscrack after a good two hours of bikram yoga to make you feel good about yourself when you're trying to have a conversation with a pretty girl who gets naked on the internet. Sadly the stereotype does exist and isn't so much a stereotype as it is a reality. But, for every two fat, stinky nerds there is a charming, cute and delightful geek with a good sense of style and hygene (I'm one of those all you single girls out there).
Well, it has been a fantastic day so far and our hotel room is as beutiful as it is cheap. I have to cut this short as I will be embarking on the first day of the convention and an interview with the entire Women in Film and Television panel. It will be a good day.

Follow me on Twitter for quips.
Pay attention to Big Shiny Robot for news.
And watch this space as I chronicle my personal con experience.

Comic Con: Prelude (An Evening with Guillermo del Toro)

2008-07-22T23:18:00.000-06:00

Well, I just got back from seeing Hellboy II for a third time since it's release two weeks ago and I still wasn't bored with the flick at all. Though, this was a special evening. The film came free with a reception prior to its screening, an introduction from Guillermo del Toro and a in depth Q&A following the credits. I've been fortunate enough to see Guillermo before at Comic Cons in the past pimping out Hellboy stuff but this was different. He went on about embracing your imperfections and defects, having the balls to say "fuck it," and persue what you think is proper for you as an artist or filmmaker. That and he's a funny fucking guy, but that's a whole 'nother story for a different day. Though, fun nights like this make me miss the company of Leah and Larissa, who I know would have seriously dug the experience... C'est la vie.
As of right now I'm tired, full still from the copious amounts of sushi I ate and looking forward to being in San Diego tomorrow for the first night of the convention. Plus, I get to see Tropic Thunder, which looks fucking hilarious.
Be sure to pay close attention to Big Shiny Robot for nerdcore news from Comic Con 2008 and here for my personal take on everything.

Comic Con: Prelude (Sushi)

2008-07-22T17:17:00.000-06:00

Found an all you can eat sushi place. I've eaten more sushi you can shake a stick at... Like, 5 rolls and some veggie tempura.
And someone might be interviewing Kevin Smith...
Details forthcoming.

Comic Con: Prelude (En Route)

2008-07-22T13:09:00.000-06:00

Altitude unknown; I'm somewhere over California. All is well.

I'm slightly, no, rather drunk as I write this on a notepad miles above the ground. The view is beautiful. Below there's a silver ocean of clouds; it's almost breathtaking. There is a slight feeling of melancholy as the one person I wish to share this with isn't here and doesn't give a shit about me. With Chris Corner lulling me on my iPod I actually now really look forward to this trip. I think of my friend Ken Knudtsen who every year, manages to get me drunk on cheap lemon flavored vodka and/or sake; the Suicide Girls, who are nothing short of gorgeous that I will most likely swoon over. In a few short hours I'll be eating a Bearded Mr. Frenchie, which sounds like a lewd sex act involving lube, snails, salt and naked bodies, but I assure you it's by far one of the most delicious things ever. If you're ever in Hollywood , eat at Fred 62.
This flight makes me anticipate my next trip out to New York which is in less than 2 months to meet up with Leah and Larissa and see IAMX. I can say with brutal honesty that I am elated to be out of Salt Lake City and it's briney air. As much as I love my friends I honestly feel like my home is outside of that vapid excuse for a city. Outside of it I feel like I have a future and that it's actually tangible, regardless of the rat race bullshit.

Comic Con: Prelude (SLC International)

2008-07-22T12:57:00.000-06:00

I board my flight in less than 20 minutes in order to make the first part of my trip to LA. Just my luck to sit next to a pretty girl who looks incredibly like Rashida Jones (of Office fame) who is leaving to San Francisco… I miss San Francisco. I still find pretty people intimidating, especially when I’m dressed to the nine’s (1st class reasons – now I sound like an asshole) and she’s casual and comfortable. Like every year I slept through my alarm leaving me 15 minutes to get my ass ready and out the door. So, after that clusterfuck, I made it to the airport, bleary eyed, hungry and thirsty and it’s far too early to want to take advantage of the complimentary cocktails offered by first class (though if anyone offers you free booze, you fucking take them). I don’t need to say how much I hate airports, screaming children, overpriced fast food and intimidating gorgeous women that remind me of my… insufficiencies. Fuck it, I’m having a screwdriver mid flight.

SDCC 2008: Prelude (Part One)

2008-07-21T13:28:00.000-06:00

I embark yet again on my annual spirit quest to San Diego for the Comic Convention. This is a strange year in the sense that as happy as I am to go the excitement has yet to strike me. I leave in less than 24 hours for Studio City to meet up with a friend and attend a DGA screening of Hellboy II: The Golden Army and Q&A with Guillermo del Toro and then head on to SDCC. This year I also attend the convention not only as a goer but a reporter for Big Shiny Robot. It will be strange to take on the convention and write about it in a professional manner (let's face it, it will most likely be scathing and latent with sarcasm, parodying peers and professionals alike). I am already fully packed and ready to leave and am aching to get the hell out of Utah as things have still been rather frustrating here (if you haven't seen from my tweets). I look forward to the idea that by this time tomorrow I'll be in California, with the I have plotted out my entire attendance this year as well (a first) and have a few really cool things I will hold off on mentioning as to not blow my wad. Expect to read more soon...

The Dark Knight

2008-07-19T17:00:00.000-06:00

Seen it twice so far. Both times awing. What the hell are you doing reading this and not seeing it on IMAX?

Expect a roundtable discussion/review on the film on Big Shiny Robot soon.

July Fourth

2008-07-04T13:44:00.000-06:00

Happy Independence Day.
I would really love to blog up a shit about American problems, but I'd rather not go into that bullshit. I would highly recommend instead reading this great entry Demonbaby posted a ways back.

I'm proud to be an American.

Hellboy: Inside the Actors Studio

2008-07-02T12:51:00.000-06:00

James Lipton generally makes me want to skull fuck newborns in the softspot they have on the top of their heads, but this 20 second clip kind of lightens that urge...

In Memoriam

2008-06-29T11:24:00.001-06:00

Michael Turner
1971 - 2008

When it rains, it pours they say... Sadly, two days ago on June 27th, comic book artist superstar Micheal Turner passed away due to complications of cancer. Turner was an incredible artist who took graphic storytelling to a whole new level, truly raising the bar in the industry. When I was 18 I had made my first ever trek to the San Diego Comic Con. I remember looking at the artists who were making appearances, Turner being on that list. Needless to say I was more than excited to get in line to have him sign a book for me. It was a Sunday, the last day of an intense four day convention and about 30 minutes to close until the next year and I jumped in line with about 30 people. Earlier that year Turner had established Aspen Comics, an ambitious new publisher entitling him the creative freedom to make his own universe for his blockbuster Fathom. He had published several special edition blank covers of issue one of the book, where he would draw a completely original illustration on the cover. He had probably drawn on hundreds of them through the span of that years convention; he looked exhausted. I remember Mike going through the covers quickly and effortlessly, utilizing his unquestionable talent to create a unique cover for each fan, but not stopping until every single person had one done or at least a signature on whatever book of his they had in his or her possession. I was one of the last people in line, he looked up, tired and bleary, and smiled. He thanked me for coming to the convention and supporting his book. We chatted about the rumors of Fathom being picked up as a major motion picture, and then he signed my comic, shook my hand and said "see you next year." I didn't know Michael Turner personally, but I can say, that this was an artist with immense talent and appreciation for his fans. He will sorely be missed in the comics industry.

For Your Information

2008-06-28T02:03:00.000-06:00

NOT THE SAME FUCKING PERSON.

Humanjunk dot net

2008-06-27T14:06:00.000-06:00

Please update your bookmarks as http://humanjunk.blogspot.com is now http://www.humanjunk.net.

Expect more posts in the next few days...

Nine Inch Nails Live From Rehearsals

2008-06-23T12:06:00.000-06:00

I'm very happy to share some incredible rehearsal footage of Nine Inch Nails preparing new songs for the upcoming Lights in the Sky Tour.

These videos are available on the physical copy of The Slip.

In Memoriam

2008-06-22T23:56:00.000-06:00

George Carlin

1937 - 2008

Some Things I Like

2008-06-21T01:23:00.000-06:00

I am rather drunk as I type this, but here are some things I enjoy:

Demonbaby: the witty and forthrightly pretentious blog of Rob Sheridan, who is the graphic designer for Nine Inch Nails.

Venture Bros.: A show that my friend Leah had turned me on to.

I also have to shamelessly self promote Big Shiny Robot. I write for this site and am rather proud of our small little nerd kingdom we've established. Fuck balls to all ya'll's.

I support Barack Obama. The fact that he has made it to the presidential primary elections make me slightly proud of our flag that should, in all reality, be shaped like a giant phallus.

I am a big fan of SuicideGirls. I consider myself a feminist and SuicideGirls allow women of all shapes, sizes and ages to get naked and celebrate their bodies, tattoos and piercings. I won't deny that there has been some drama, seediness and sleaze to the institute of SG, but the concept is what makes me proud to own a membership.

I'm gonna hit the sack. Cheers!

Oh, and I love Google Reader.

Recommended Viewing

2008-06-19T02:22:00.000-06:00

This is a list of films and popcorn flicks I highly recommend checking out:

The Signal

Kontroll

Wristcutters: A Love Story

Exclusive God Interview

2008-06-02T23:57:00.000-06:00

God

Jeff: It's really nice to finally be able to sit down and converse finally, I know you've been busy-
God: Not that busy...
Jeff: Ha! Well, regardless, I really appreciate the time you're taking to answer some questions that have been on everyone's mind.
God: It's a pleasure to be here, I guess. So, okay, let's go!
Jeff: So, what have you been doing as of late?
God: I've been playing WoW. Kudos to the guy who invented that game, it's brilliant. I sat down, started playing and by the time my eyes got tired from my computer screen I realized that a tsunami had hit Thailand, New Orleans was flooded and all kinds of other bad shit went down.
Jeff: My friend is a huge fan.
God: What's his screen name?
Jeff: Charlene. It used to be Poonany, but the admin's thought it was offensive and made him change it.
God: I'm just God on there. People don't really think it's me, but, it is.
Jeff: So, besides World of Warcraft what else have you been up to? Any big plans for the Universe?
God: No, not really, I've spent an eternity making space infinite and I've got Satan on my back for who knows what this time. I'm on vacation. Hence WoW. Other than that though not a whole lot, just your typical r + r. I've been reading a little, listening to music, watching movies...
Jeff: See anything worth while?
God: I really liked There Will Be Blood, I thought it should have gotten best picture. JC and I had this bet going about what was gonna win, I threw in as much divine intervention as I could, but it really only goes so far. People seem to think that I can just cure cancer or whatever. It's not that simple. I can barely boil water. I'm not that talented.
Jeff: Does it irritate you when people thank you in their acceptance speeches?
God. Oh for sure. Actors nowadays are so narcissistic that they think just because the public worships them more than me that I'm gonna bend over backwards and pull some strings so they can win some gold fucking statue they worship more than me. It drives me bonkers.
Jeff: So, while your on holiday who's been making sure existence and the fabric of space and time aren't crumbling?
God: I asked Bruce Willis to do it, as he is the patron saint of bad ass but he had signed on for [Live Free Or] Die Hard. Everyone in the ol' rolodex was busy and all my Seraphim were making sure the Kingdom was up to health inspections so I asked GW to do it. It was supposed to be temporary but, you know how things go.

Random Info

2008-05-31T22:45:00.000-06:00

I am sitting in my room. At my desk. Listening to Brisa Roché.

Today has been a rather good and productive day. The night has worn me out.

If I could be someone else I'd be Chris Corner.

I've been reading Vice by Ai and American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

In a few minutes I will be watching more episodes of The Venture Bros.

I quite enjoy exchanging e-mails with Leah and reading her musings.

I have decided that I absolutely loathe weddings. If ever I tie the knot it's going to be small. And on Halloween.

Sexy things to me:

French

Sign language

Violinists

Brisa Roché's voice

Chris Corner's voice

Swan like necks

I can't stand it when it is impossible to get in touch with people.

I love breakfast. By far my favorite meal of the day.

I am running out of random things to type.

It's exactly 11:00 PM as I type this line.

I dislike my job.

Current crushes:

Tina Fey

Brisa Roché

???

Amélie Poulain

Becky Cloonan

Albums I highly recommend checking out (if you have not already):

IAMX - Kiss + Swallow, The Alternative

Sneaker Pimps - Splinter

Brisa Roché - The Chase

Nine Inch Nails - The Slip

Elbow - Asleep in the Back

Godspeed You! Black Emperor - F# A# ∞

Public Bathrooms

2008-05-22T02:43:00.000-06:00

I'm back.

For some odd reason the restroom at my work smells like froot loops. I've become so accustomed to this scent that the other day I was eating a bowl of cereal and felt the uncontrollable urge to urinate. I mean, like, I really had to fucking piss. I was seeing yellow. I realized that my brain now has associated froot loops (or at least the smell of them) to taking a leak. That cereal is now forever ruined. Thanks Ritz Carlton.

Also, I enjoy washing my hands. Almost as much as pissing, and Americans have become so fucking lazy they now have pre foamed handsoap so they don't really have to make sure their hands are clean. They just spurt the bubbles on their hands and rinse it off. Lazy American Fuckfaces have stolen one of the highlights of my day after relieving myself, lathering my hands up. I still do it, but it's not as fun now that the liquid soap isn't really a slime as now it's a bubbly fart of antibacterial goodness. What the fuck? Seriously, bring back the God damn unfoamed soap you dirty mother fuckers.

And you know what else? Why the hell do I find a forrest of shed pubic hair all over the urinal? Are men just reaching down their and pulling out short and curly's by the handfull and sprinkling them all over the pisser? Or are you just so unclean in your crotch that you just naturally shed pubes all over the place. Either way around it's some sick shit that needs to be either taken care of by a dermatologist or psychologist. Sick bastards the lot of you.

In Memoriam

2008-05-16T16:49:00.000-06:00

1982 - 2008

We'll all miss you.

Hiatus

2008-05-11T22:35:00.001-06:00

I've been meaning to write something for days now. Not this though. I'm going on a slight hiatus from the whole blog whatsit as there have been a few things going on in my personal life that have drained me creatively. I need some time to reassess things, recharge my creative juices and ultimately sort some shit out. Some of you know what I'm speaking of, and those that don't, don't ask. I will say that this is hopefully and probably going to be brief, but I've not really had the energy to muster up some clever diatribe or social critique and rather than bitch half assed about how I hate finding pubic hair in public urinals or how horribly aggravating it is to have to pay cover fees for bars in Utah I'm just going to shut the fuck up. You'll be hearing from me in a few days, weeks and/or hopefully (not) months.

Doppelgängers

2008-05-05T02:06:00.001-06:00

Apparently I'm part of a Japanese breakdancing troupe.
Visit www.humanjunk.com for more details.

And it seems that I'm also a fat ass Republican shit fucker who has a fat fucking face.
Visit www.jeffotiz.com for details.

Nine Inch Nails: The Slip

2008-05-05T01:14:00.000-06:00

Nine Inch Nails has released their new album The Slip for free.

Users have a choice of multiple formats; MP3, FLAC Lossless, Apple M4A Lossless (my recommendation) and High Def WAVE 24/96 format.

Oh, and happy Drinko de Mayo.

On My Graduation Ceremony

2008-05-03T10:52:00.000-06:00

I sat at the Kingsbury Hall for 2 hours next to my gruff friend Brandon. I say "gruff" because he was looking at porn on his iPhone the entire time and we managed to find a naked picture* of the valedictorian (I shit you not) that was giving a really uncreative speech to the Fine Arts grads. Not that you know her, but the valedictorian is kinda a bimbo at my school. She's like a character out of an early Brett Easton Ellis novel like Rules of Attraction or something. So, I sat there, laughing at the fact that here I am, in this lame ass getup, listening to some lame ass girl give a lame ass speech and my friend is showing me these heinous photos of pornstars gobbling up sex organs and naked photos of University of Utah valedictorians. It could have been worse though, I could have been bleeding out my ass.

*Thanks Colin

New York City

2008-04-16T23:36:00.000-06:00

I am leaving for New York tomorrow. I've never been there before.

I expect to see at least one or more of the following:

A Ghostbuster.
A Cloverfield.
A teenage, mutant, ninja turtle.

Expect photos, blogs and reviews from the NYCC

Update (5_03_08):
I didn't see a Cloverfield or a Ninja Turtle, but I managed to see some Ghostbusters:

And I managed to meet Chewbacca:

(Thanks Leah for the Photos)

Divine Design

2008-04-14T01:11:00.001-06:00

Kirk Cameron is an asshole.

I love it when Christian Evangelists use average people's views on evolutionary theory to prove intelligent design.

These assholes generalize that apes are related to human beings as family. What they're not realizing is that they're related to us on a primordial genetic level. They prove that primates aren't related to human beings because they can't learn on the same level. If I were to try and take a severely retarded person and ask them to perform day to day tasks that you or I do on a regular basis they couldn't. This version of their argument posed would lead to a conclusion that the mentally handicapped are not human beings.

I want these fucking assholes to take the philosophy course, reasoning and rational decision making, a logistics course or analysis of an argument to show that their claims are unsound because of ad hominem attacks and fallacious arguments.

It's Your Fucking Name

2008-04-11T00:23:00.000-06:00

This afternoon I tried to pronounce some asshole's name. Upon asking him if I was correct or not (because it's polite) he said snidely "close enough."

You know what? Fuck you. Seriously. Fuck you. It's your God damn name and you couldn't give a rats ass if I pronounce it right or not? What the hell is wrong with you? Why don't I just call you douche cock or fuck face or cumdumpster because you don't give a shit? I know that people in general are morons, but Jesus Tittyfucking...

The Truth for Assholes

2008-04-04T00:47:00.000-06:00

You know what Truth About Tobacco? I want to buy an entire crate of cigarettes and give them out to small children. You have your "cool" ads telling us all we all need to know that cigarettes DO give us cancer and can cause birth defects and that our friends are laughing at us because we smell like smoke... Well you know what? If there are people that don't believe that tobacco gives us cancer, good, let them puff their lungs away developing lung cancer and dying. Good. Fuck 'em. Those morons get removed for society. Good. Gene pool saved. And how many fucking pregnant women have any of you met who continue to smoke cigarettes while they have a bun in the oven? ZERO. And, again, I'll say it again, if someone is dumb enough to not know that smoking cigarettes can cause cancer and that results in some sort of miscarriage then no loss in the gene pool.

Stop fucking telling people how to think. Truth ads are just as bad as Camel ads. Why don't you all go fuck yourselves you assholes.

Music Today

2008-03-30T17:45:00.001-06:00

I got in the car today and decided to turn on the radio for old times sake. Within, I'm not bullshitting you, 5 seconds, I'm bombarded with the most audibly offensive shit my ears have had the displeasure of hearing in a long time.

And, of course, who was behind that foul audio vomit I was sprayed with? None other than Linkin Park.

I can remember driving home from San Diego a few years back and surfing the dial and stumbling upon this gem of a radio station and this program they did called The Big Sonic Chill. It was an eclectic playlist of music ranging from Massive Attack, to Nick Cave, to Mazzy Star. I sat there listening, a trip hop song, then a shoegaze song, then a mellow rock song, thinking, "holy shit, what a great thing, this fucking station actually plays something that isn't a single and that I've not heard before!" It was incredibly refreshing. Fucking assholes like X96 pride themselves on being non-corporate, independent radio. It's total bullshit. Several reasons why, and I'll tell you: They're owned and operated by Simmons Media, a national fucking media conglomerate. Not independent. It's a lie. Next to that, radio stations are unwilling to take risks. They're spoon fed big time singles from major labels and financed to, in between Mountain Dew ads, play the latest craptacular song by Linkin Park, or Panic at the Disco or what ever fucking big time emo poser band who managed to get a music video (with ballroom choreography of course) in rotation on MTV's Total Request Live. Most radio stations cater to one audience, which is ultimately their biggest flaw. They play what is safe and leave it at that.

And how do people actually find this music listenable? Uninspired lyrics that resembling some pissed off 15-year-old's shitty LiveJournal poetry; melodies that don't captivate, mediocre and sonically uninteresting?

Nowadays all I see are bands ripping off one another, finding some sort of gimmick and running it into the ground.

Panic at the Disco turned their live performance into a circus, laden with cabaret themes. If you're looking for a true cabaret fused performance go see The Dresden Dolls or IAMX, true artists, whose music is unique, original and whose live performance and presence can support the live themes. The reason they can? Because first and foremost, the ultimate goal of the performance is the music, focusing on content before style. Take away Panic at the Disco's big top theatrics and they're nothing more than a bunch of shitty musicians faking something interesting.

I am offended at the thought of these bands claiming to be alternative (I'm not even gonna touch on the BS that is modern "punk" music). What makes an artist alternative is the fact that they're not catering to the mainstream, they're out there taking chances. I'm not gonna give examples, you smart people know who I am and am not talking about.

I don't listen to the radio anymore not because I'm trying to keep this underground mentality; I would love nothing more than to turn on the radio and hear the bands I love that don't get any exposure being played constantly. I don't listen to the radio because I can't stand the Link Parks, Panic at the Discos, Angels and Airwaves and Plain White T's of the world. They're the true definition of what is wrong with modern rock radio today. I dread the fact that in 30 years I'm gonna hear Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen played right after "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park.

One more thing: Connor Oberst is not the greatest songwriter of my generation and will never be the next Bob Dylan.

Oh, and if I have to hear Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2 (who I hate!) on the radio again I'm gonna bore a hole in my head with a drill.